Love (poem)

Another poem I wrote in college. This one I really like, hope you enjoy.

Love can be described through interaction

Love can be described through touch

Love can cause pain for some

Love can bring happiness for others

When I think of love I think of happiness

When others think of love it could be anything

For love is a powerful gift for those

For love is a powerful sin for those

The world can experience love in different ways

The world could experience love the same

Love can make you do crazy things

Love can open your eyes to see

All the wonderful things love can bring

Could leave you wanting everything

Hidden (poem)

I wrote this poem in college. I'm not sure why I named it hidden, it's been a long time. It's interesting to read something that I wrote so long ago compared to the poems previously posted.

Empty inside with no place to hide, I run for the door but my feet stick to the ground. I try to gasp for air but I start falling, falling into a place that feels so far from home. When I get there there’s a black hole on the wall that seems to hold all the answers that I am looking for. I run toward the black hole but the closer I get the further it is away. I reach out to touch it but my hand gets pulled back as if someone not wanted me to achieve my destination. I slip and fall! As the wound exposes and the blood comes out of my knee it's black too. But I had to ignore what was happening, I had to ignore this black thick liquid coming out of me. I picked myself up and start running full speed toward the hole. My legs are pumping, head is sweating, I can feel failure on my tongue as this damn hole keeps moving! Why! Why won’t it let me reach it? Why can't I just feel like I am at home again? Why do I feel belittled and degraded as if this hole is in a way mocking me?

I wipe the sweat from my forehead, I know longer feel the blood running down my leg, my legs move faster than the last train departing from the station! As if I am the train and it's heading right towards the hole! It's not a dot to me anymore, actually it's very close! Did I need to feel failure in order to make me reach the hole? Did I need to trip and fall so that there was an obstacle that would make me stronger? Is the black circle even a hole? I stop, I'm standing right in front of this bitch of a hole but it's not a hole, it's not a black circle! It's me! I am whole! It took obstacles, and hard work but I made it to the place where I am whole! I look down at my knee and it's not cut, I go to wipe my forehead and It's dry, my legs don't hurt from running like a mad women, I can breath and feel the fresh air. It dawns on me everything I do I will need to be ready to stop and think about the journey that it took to make me whole! I have to try my best, every single day! I can fall down, but I should never let it stop me, I'll have hurdles everyday but I have to jump over them. But most of all, all my fears I have I will know that I just need to spit out that taste of failure, because you aren't a failure unless you let yourself be one! I know that if I never stop letting myself feel as if I am not whole I won’t have to go finding myself! Because in the long run I think I was whole the entire time I just needed a little help finding myself.

My first poem for Viewshound

Metamorphasis-Leave it to the butterflies 

I used to be fat, but now I’m thin
I used to be natural, but now I wear makeup
I used to be Plain Jane, but now I’m the prettiest in the room
I used to hide, but now I stand out in a crowd
I used to like to look in a mirror, but now all I see are my faults
I used to smile, but now I cry behind closed doors
I used to be fun, but now I only worry if others think I’m fun
I used to have real friends, but now I have social media
I used to be nice, but now being cruel is a game to me
I used to see everything half full, but now everything is empty
I used to have confidence, but now I have none
I use to be myself, but now I don’t know who I am
I used to have one face, but now I have two
I used to want to make a difference, but now I’m the one who’s different
I used to be a butterfly, but now I’m a snake

Article category: Poetry
Article tags: changing, butterflies, inspirational, confidence

The second poem I wrote for Viewshound

When one door closes...

There was a time when it was just you and me
We would spend time together so happily
But something’s different in the way you look
I feel as if you’re ready to let me off the hook
I tried in the past to hold on to something we’ve lost
But let’s face it I’m glad we’re a lost cause
Now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to do
When you’re out on the town with God knows who
See we’re about to do things a little differently
So what I want is for you to do is pay attention closely
I thought I needed you because you made me feel small
But it turns out I’m the big one after all
You once told me a woman should stay in her place
It was the first time you ever got in my face
I should have realized then that you were no good
But I was so caught up on doing what you told me I should
No longer will you push me around
Being slapped and kicked and knocked to the ground
I feel so empowered I wish you were here to see
This I the first time since I met you that I feel so alive and free
I have a surprise for you sweetie and I hope you’re sitting down
Because you might not like this once it gets all over town
You told for so long that no one would ever take me as their lover
Well, guess what baby I’m running off with your brother

...another door opens

Article category: Poetry
Article tags: confidence, self-esteem, women, drama

It's been too long...

What's up Bloaders! It's been awhile since I've been able to do a blog. Let me start off by saying that I missed blogging these last couple of weeks. This november has been the busiest month I've had all year. First thing on my plate was National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) Trying to write a novel in thirty days. The goal was to get up to 50,000 words. I found that once I began writing getting to 50,000 words was no problem, I wrote free style like I wrote my first novel. I didn't have a plan I just wrote, I have to admit my first novel I knew exactly how I wanted it to map out and in the third novel in the series I just don't know how I want it to map out.  So although I got to my 50,000 words and even got there 15 days early I don't know if I can even use all those words. I'm glad I did it though, I felt as if it was going to be a challenge and I never turn down a challenge no matter what.

I feels as if the path that I want to take my book is a good path, but I feel as if I should change it. I guess I'm not quite sure how to actually say what I mean. Writing my first  book was the most exciting thing that I've ever done and being in the position I was in with not feeling well, barely being able to get out of bed, and being in constant pain, writing was my one release. I've always been the person to have two or three jobs. Trying to keep as busy I could and being out of work was something that broke me down...long story short writing help me feel as if I wasn't wasting away in my bed room with my remote control. My mom always says it happened for a reason so I could complete my book... I have to agree with her, although I could have done without some of the pain :) My point though is the one thing I had was my writing and I feel as if I don't have that anymore.

At every turn of completing one step I feel as if I get pushed two steps back. First step was not being able to afford it, well, then I got the money. Now it's not being able to go through the self publisher that I want to because my word count would put my book at 17.95 Not quite sure what I should do about that. I thought maybe I would just do kindles but I know 75% of my fan base don't have them. So now I'm worried what my next move should be in this lously rollercoaster I call becoming an author.

Now after going through my book one final time trying to put everything together and ready for whatever I decide, I come to realize it's nothing like my first draft, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. I feel as if I listened to others more than I litsend to myself and somewhere down the line I lost myself a little. My jokes, the scenes, everything just seems so diffrent. I just can't figure out when you go with your gut and when you go with someone elses. IDK I will just be happy when I have my baby in my hand. 

Well, since I've rambled on forever I'll show you some pics of some cupcakes I made last week. I'll try and
do a cupcake blog next week :)

These are my Grinch cupcakes! Every time I look at them that's what I think about. They are vanilla icing with chocolate chip cupcake. AMAZING! I can't wait till I come full circle and make these again. My pipping still need some work and for some reason I can't ever get my frosting thick enough. 

These are chocolate cupcake(devils foodcake) it was the first time I didn't make from scratch. I topped it with peanut butter icing. I HATED IT! It was so thick I couldn't spread it and once I added the confect sugar I thought it tasted funny but everyone else said I was being overly critical. Why do people say that to me of course I'm overly critcal! DUH! One word of advice as adding the confec. sugar keep tasting it and put in microwave to soften. I actually added peanut butter chips to the frosting and it made it taste alot better still not my favorite though. Oh and use Jiffy.



These are what they look like before the awful peanut butter! Aren't they beautiful? I added peanut butter chips to these too. Personally I loved them just like this.



Sneak peak! I wasn't going to do it but then I thought I'll give my Bloader's a little treat! This is what my cover looks like. It's not completely done but I know I've had a couple of people asking about it and asking about it so I figure I would give ya little peak! Let me know what you think!

Alrighty this girl is going to work on some more NaNoWriMo have a pleasant night and a happy Thanksgiving if I don't write again this week.

PS. Thinking of putting the first chapter of my book online for a sneak peak, but only if I people will read it, so we'll see!

Cupcake Madness week 4

So sorry Bloaders it's been awhile since my last blog. I've been so busy participating in the nanowrimo. I told myself that I wasn't going to do it, but then once November got here I decided I had to do it. Now 23,000 words things are going great. I will post another blog about that later thought. On to the cupcakes.

This week I made Oreo cookie cupakes! The recipe sadly was not from the food network but was from a website I found online. I when I stumbled across this and saw the pic I knew I had to try and make them considering double stuffed is one of the best cookies ever besides chocolate chip! If I had to judge these on a scale from 1 to 5 I would have to give them a 3 I wasn't a fan of them, but my family loved them! I think the reason why I didn't like them was because I used regular cookies for parts of it and I think that the regular oreos taste like burnt chocolate. (My mom says there is no difference between regular oreos and double stuffed and I beg to differ! I will argue this point all day long)

They were really easy to make and if I were to make these again I would do things a little differentt. I would use cake mix instead of making it from scratch. I would also just stick with double stuffed. All oreo cookie recipies you put an oreo cookie at the bottom. I found that the oreo cookie stuck to the cupcake wrapper. I would save the cookie and just crumble more into the batter. Oh and when filling the cupcake wrapper don't worry about filling it up too high. I thought it was going to over flow with batter, but I actually didn't put enough in. I'm not sure the policy with posting other recipes so I'll just show you my pics. Beware your mouth will water!

The cookies in the dough was really good. I used about twenty cookies in the batter.

This is just the cookies at the bottom of the wrapper that I don't recommend

These can be filled more. I found that they barely fell over the top. It was rather difficult to tell if they were done. I wish I would have taken a picture of what they looked like before the topping, but I forgot.

Icing made with whipping cream. I had to add way more powdered sugar than the recipe called for. It wouldn't thicken. Next time i would most likely use cream cheese because this just tasted like whip cream with cookies in it. But if you ever decide to just use the whipping cream, whip on high.

End result. I couldn't pipe because the cookies kept getting stuck. Therefore I just used a spoon and put half a cookie on top.


So there you have it Bloaders my most recent cupcakes. Tomorrow I think I might make similiar cupcakes but chocolate. I'm a sucker for anything chocolate! Next blog coming soon!

Cupcake Madness week 3

Not good!

Let me start by saying that I made a good 60 some cupcakes and if you are anywhere near me feel free to stop by and pick some up. I have chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing, red velvet(chocolate) with chocolate icing and cream cheese icing, and then yellow cupcakes with strawberry cream cheese icing...and some have a mix. Once again i would like to thank foodnetwork.com for the recipes and let them know that the yellow cupcakes do taste like sweet cornbread. I was not a fan, but everyone else seemed to like them. I made them from a birthday party for two of my family members and they loved them. Here are some of the things that I learned about making that many cupcakes at one time.

First off I made the cupcakes on Thursday and the icing on Friday. I would flip that around because the frosting wasn't thick enough and

made an enormous mess. The icing was thick but as soon as I added the strawberries that's when it became very mushy and soft, but amazing. I have some left and I left it in the freezer overnight and now it's nice and ready to be spread.

Second things I would recommend is that if a reviewer says something like, "they taste like cornbread" don't just ignore because you only see two or three that say that. I swear I couldn't figure out where someone snuck the cornmeal in on me because that's exactly what it taste like. I might actually start making my cornbread like that instead of using cornmeal because it taste better.

Third and this is just for the beginners: Make sure you have all your ingredient because improvising is not for the newbee's! I have no idea how to substitute certain foods yet or what a certain addition to a recipes will do to the meal. When I cook I don't have that problem, it's easy for me to throw together a bunch of food and it taste really good. Baking is soooooooo different!

Fourth and final and I think I might have mentioned this before...Keep track of what you are putting in your cupcakes. A batch of the cupcakes was about to ding that they were ready and I was making two different icings at the same time to let the chocolate melt and I for some reason couldn't remember if I added sugar to it or not so I added a cup. Then realized that I infact did already add sugar and still needed to add the confectionary sugar! Let's just say I warned everyone that the chocolate ones were not only sweet, but could be severely damaging to a diabetic.

All together it was a birthday success I even have pictures to share!

I'm thinking about getting a cupcake book and just cooking through it. Maybe I'll try a whole Julie and Julia with baked goods! I really liked that movie :) Anyway, here are some pics!
Let me know if you want some Bloaders!

 



It's upside down!