Thursday, January 12, 2012

Hidden (poem)

I wrote this poem in college. I'm not sure why I named it hidden, it's been a long time. It's interesting to read something that I wrote so long ago compared to the poems previously posted.

Empty inside with no place to hide, I run for the door but my feet stick to the ground. I try to gasp for air but I start falling, falling into a place that feels so far from home. When I get there there’s a black hole on the wall that seems to hold all the answers that I am looking for. I run toward the black hole but the closer I get the further it is away. I reach out to touch it but my hand gets pulled back as if someone not wanted me to achieve my destination. I slip and fall! As the wound exposes and the blood comes out of my knee it's black too. But I had to ignore what was happening, I had to ignore this black thick liquid coming out of me. I picked myself up and start running full speed toward the hole. My legs are pumping, head is sweating, I can feel failure on my tongue as this damn hole keeps moving! Why! Why won’t it let me reach it? Why can't I just feel like I am at home again? Why do I feel belittled and degraded as if this hole is in a way mocking me?
I wipe the sweat from my forehead, I know longer feel the blood running down my leg, my legs move faster than the last train departing from the station! As if I am the train and it's heading right towards the hole! It's not a dot to me anymore, actually it's very close! Did I need to feel failure in order to make me reach the hole? Did I need to trip and fall so that there was an obstacle that would make me stronger? Is the black circle even a hole? I stop, I'm standing right in front of this bitch of a hole but it's not a hole, it's not a black circle! It's me! I am whole! It took obstacles, and hard work but I made it to the place where I am whole! I look down at my knee and it's not cut, I go to wipe my forehead and It's dry, my legs don't hurt from running like a mad women, I can breath and feel the fresh air. It dawns on me everything I do I will need to be ready to stop and think about the journey that it took to make me whole! I have to try my best, every single day! I can fall down, but I should never let it stop me, I'll have hurdles everyday but I have to jump over them. But most of all, all my fears I have I will know that I just need to spit out that taste of failure, because you aren't a failure unless you let yourself be one! I know that if I never stop letting myself feel as if I am not whole I won’t have to go finding myself! Because in the long run I think I was whole the entire time I just needed a little help finding myself.

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